If You Feel Like A Failure, Read This!

I am a big, fat failure. Okay, so maybe not so much the fat part. But you get my drift.

I know I'm not alone in having thought, multiple times for multiple reasons, that I'm a failure. Likely as not, you clicked on this video because you are, right now, feeling like a failure.

In this post, I hope to change your mind about being a failure by sharing a bit of my story, as well as a few bits of wisdom that will help you shift your perspective about your worth as a human being.

How have I failed? 

Let me count the ways. 

**I didn't pursue my performing art dreams.

**I went into a career that, in hindsight, feels like a huge waste of thirteen years.

**I failed at getting a traditional publishing contract.

**I failed at blogging.

**I failed at making a full-time income with my self-published books...so far.

**I failed at choosing a place to live with optimum conditions for growing fruits and vegetables.

**I failed at YouTube.

And that's really what drove me to make this video at this point: a few days ago, for the hundredth time, I was going to quit one of the over dozen YouTube channels I've started since 2011.

And, why shouldn't I? On my original channel, over the space of 12 years, I haven't able to grow it to more than 4,160 subscribers and never made more than $80 in a month month. And that was one time. Then, a couple of years ago, YouTube changed the requirements for monetization, and it demonetized my channel.

And now, in 2023, it's extremely difficult to build even a modest following on a YouTube channel, even if you follow all the rules.

Back to the channel I was about to quit. It wasn't this one, though if you've been watching all of my videos for the past several months and noticed weeks between uploads and three distinct changes in topic, you might have gotten the hint that my frustration with the lack of growth on this channel had me on the edge.

As you can see, I haven't given up on this channel. Nor did I quit the other one. The reason? 

I watched a video about failure and ADHD.

Whether or not you have ADHD, the tips that Jessica shared in her video, as well as the thoughts I had afterward, might very well be your ticket out of the failure mindset.

In the video in question, one of the things Jessica points out that's specific to those of us with ADHD is that it's nearly impossible to succeed at anything when you've always got ten projects going on at one time. We need to learn to quiet our minds so we can enable ourselves to focus on just one thing at a time. If you're like me and get bored after a few days of doing just one thing, then make sure to schedule time to play and to work on hobbies. Or take one to two day breaks from the main project, during which you work on a less important project.

Jessica also explains that when we see others succeed where we feel like we're failing, we need to realize that they are different. They may have more time, or more money, or a different personality, or a larger resource pool, or more knowledge or innate skill. That circles back to the principle you've probably heard more than once, but if you're like me, need constant reminding of: though success is really a subjective concept, which each person can define as they like, we've been taught to equate it with some level of wealth and fame, and/or uncommon achievement.

I'll talk more on that in a minute.

The last thing that Jessica discusses in her video felt like a punch in a gut, but I needed to hear it: if you're failing at a thing, maybe you're simply not meant to do that thing. No matter how badly you want it. After I finished watching that video, which I've linked below in case you want to check it out, I pondered over Jessica's words for a while. I thought about all the ways in my fifty-three years that I've considered myself a failure, and realized that what I needed was a change in perspective. 

First and foremost, I need to drop the idea, once and for all, that success equals a lot of followers and/or a lot of money. I know that mindset is paralyzing and discouraging, have known it for years. But for personal reasons I won't get into, it's been next to impossible to rip the deeply rooted belief out of my soul. But for my own sanity, I need to. And I finally decided to do the inner work necessary to get it done.

My first step is to define success, in part, as having achieved something most people never do. I've written over thirty novels. I've given birth to a child and, along with my husband, raised him to be a decent young adult. I've stayed married to the same man for eighteen years, despite going through issues in our relationship that would send many couples to divorce court. Including Christian couples. 

I succeeded in holding onto the same teaching job until I got pregnant thirteen years into my career, in a school district with a notoriously high turnover rate. And though I know that until I get to heaven, I won't know the full extent of the positive impact I had on the lives of all the children who walked through my classroom door, I do realize that I made at least a small difference in each one.

I know that if I wasn't here, my husband and son would struggle. And not just because they'd have to do their own laundry and prepare their own meals. So somehow, despite my mistakes and shortcomings, I've succeeding in forming a small family with tight bonds, who love, care for, and depend on each other.

I've wildly succeeded in learning about nutrition and healthy living, and thereby in creating a healthy home for my husband and son. 

A second part of my new definition of success is about personal fulfillment and serving others. If I work on a YouTube channel, or write a book, I am successful if it brings me and/or others joy in some measure. For example, you're watching this video. If I help you in even a small way, I've succeeded with this channel. That's the way I've decided to see it.

See, the success-failure thing is simply a matter of perspective. In everything we do, there's always somebody better than us, and there's always somebody worse than us. Nobody can be good at everything, and when you find one of those things you're not good at, consider yourself at having succeeded in the discovery, and being one step closer to living a more simple, more fulfilling life where you're not trying to be a super hero, but just the best you that you can be.

In every encounter you have with another person, if you strive to be positive and encouraging, you succeed at helping the world become a better place. Even if you hate your job, if you do it well, it ultimately ends up helping people in some way.

Okay, unless you're a hitman for hire. But, let's not get off track here. 

The fact of the matter is, when you're full of real joy and peace, you don't give a hoot about the world's definition of success. You find true joy and peace by connecting with your Creator, and learning to walk moment by moment with Him. I teach you the best way to do this in my free ebook, So Long Stress. 

Even though I sometimes still struggle with following the principles I lay out in that book, I'm telling you, I would be much worse off today than I am if I hadn't begun applying them to my life. 

Want to hear a real success story? I've succeeded at staying alive, even though there have been many times I wanted to check out of this life. Because I know that feelings are fickle and temporary, but the truth that God wants me lasts forever.

Peace to you, and may blessings abound in every area of your life.