You've Got Love All Wrong

Love. In any language, it's the most positive word that has ever existed. Scientists have even discovered that speaking the word can transform energy fields, even the molecular structure of water. 

Everyone thinks they know what love is. 

Most of them are wrong. 

Including most Christians. 

I have ample evidence to back up this claim. In Western society, if you ask most couples why they got married, they will respond with, "We fell in love." Eighteen years ago, I would have given the same response. But once you are with someone for a number of years, that feeling of being "in love" dminishes. Often, it disappears altogether.

This is the point where many people get divorced, claiming that they no longer love  their spouse.

Before I go on, I want to make it perfectly clear that I don't believe that anyone should remain in a marriage where the spouse turns out to be an abuser, a cheater, or an addict who refuses to rehabilitate. I'm talking only about people who walk away from a marriage, from the vows they made to God, simply because they lost that lovin' feeling.

And that gets us to the crux of the problem.

Most people believe that love is a feeling. Even if you have sat in a Sunday morning service and been told otherwise, chances are high that you persist in acting on the belief that love is a feeling. I understand why. For hundreds of years, cultures around the world have taught that the emotions surrounding romance, and that feelings of affection, whether toward one's children, friends, or pets, are equivalent to love. 

Nothing can be further from the truth. In fact, brain researchers now know that the feeling of being "in love" is nothing more than a physiological reaction that occurs in the amygdala. This is the same part of the brain responsible for our basic instincts, such as feeling fear when facing an enemy, or anger when your life has been inconvenienced, or excitement when you're presented with a potentially big and positive opportunity.

In other words, the feeling of falling in love is not spiritual. It's not a sign from God that this person is "the one." It's a primitive response to a person whom you instinctively sense could make healthy babies with you. That is it. 

Now that I've destroyed my writing career by ruining romance novels for you...😉

 ...let's explore the truth about love. God so desired for you to understand it, that He inspired one of the original apostles to pen an entire chapter about it in the New Testament. It's found in the book of First Corinthians, chapter thirteen, and is commonly known as "the love chapter." The Apostle Paul defines love as follows:

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in inquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

Love never fails.... [1 Corinthians 13:4-8a]

I ask you: where in that passage is there the slightest hint that love is a feeling or an emotion? The answer is, nowhere. This passage reveals that love is action, action the results from a state of perfect peaceful being.

You might say, "Emily, those verses are talking about the agape love, the unconditional love that God has for people. We mere human beings are incapable of that kind of perfection."

I completely agree. Mere human beings, in their current fallen state, are incapable of that kind of perfection. But human beings who have connected with their heavenly Father have the power within to produce that kind of love. I would dare to say that even atheists who believe that living by the Golden Rule have the ability to show real love to a certain extent. They have been, after all, created in the image of God as much as any Christian has.

But living a life completely free of sin, in perfect harmony with the Holy Spirit every second of every day, is not the issue at stake here. What I want you to understand - what the world needs you to understand, especially if you call yourself a Christian - is that love is not a feeling. It has nothing to do with physical intimacy. Rather, love is the Golden Rule in action, but not from a sense of duty or obligation. Not from a sense of "I should" or "I have to." Instead, it's the natural outflow from a heart that desires to please God in all things. 

I want to make it clear that there is nothing wrong with wanting or feeling the pleasurable buzz that comes from romance. There's nothing wrong with feeling affection for other people. But in the ideal world, these feelings and desires should be grounded in a firm understanding of true love. Then, and only then, can the romance and affection be free of selfishness and manipulation.

Peace to you, and may blessing abound in every area of your life. 

And before you go, share in the comments a time when you experienced real love at the hand of another person.