My New Best Friend; AKA, When You Get Tired of Being a Green Extremist

Green extremists, take note! What follows is an email I just sent to a friend. Before you read it, you need a little background about my home.

It does not have plumbing. 

No pipes, no tap water, no flush toilet, no (GULP!) shower.

No automatic washing machine.

Yeah, I know. But it sounded like a good idea at the time, ten years ago when I was all idealist about saving the planet. And saving money on our energy bills.

Then there was my husband, who was, like I, not happy with all the plumbing bills our suburban house had incurred during our seven years there. Also, knowing that it would be tantamount to pulling teeth to get a repair person out to where we live, he didn't want to take any risks.

We've adapted well to our semi-primitive lifestyle, except for one thing.

The laundry. Which the following copy of the email elucidates. Enjoy.

***** 

I wisheth to introduce to thou my new best friend.

His name be Mr. Spin Dryer. Before he came into my life, I despised mornings, for the washing of laundry was a daily chore. Why didst I torture myself so, you asketh? Alas, I had to wring everything by hand, and, not wanting to incur Carpal Tunnel Syndrome or other injuries to my hands, I therefore had resigned myself to doing a small load of laundry every day. 

Yea, by "small" I thus includeth large items, such as sheets and sweat pants.

Then, one day, I could bear the torture no more. Yearning to return to the love of mornings which I had abandoned in my youth, and knowing that my hands were slowly turning toward the sunset of their years, I desired to beset a change to the horrendous morning routine.

And so, I acquired Mr. Spin Dryer, who had, most ironically, been awaiting a new home and companion. Now, I washeth the laundry a mere three days per week, as sane people are wont to do, and nevermore shall it be required of my poor and weary hands to wring sheets and sweat pants until they are dry. For lo! Mr. Spin Dryer squeezeth out much more water than my hands ever could, drastically reducing the line-drying time of every item.

Rejoiceth with me, my dear reader, on this happy change of circumstance which God hath so wonderfully wrought.