Some days, I can't even sit up very long, even inclined, due to the discomfort, preventing me from even writing, coloring, or crafting. Frustration has become an unwanted constant companion.
Yesterday, I begged God to heal me. I was so desperate, I rebuked demons. Just in case. I told God I'd learned to empathize with people in chronic pain, that I'd learned this lesson and that lesson, so He can let my life go back to normal now, thank Him very much!
I happen to be soaking in the book of Psalms right now, and wouldn't you know that today, less than twenty-four hours after praying for healing, my reading for today was Psalm 22 and Psalm 23.
You know Psalm 22. It's the one Yeshua recited while He was dying on the cross, the one that begins, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?" It goes on to describe the mental and physical anguish Yeshua suffered while He waited to die.
And I got it like I never got it before in my fifty-five years: Yeshua really DOES know what I'm going through. In fact, hanging on the cross, He likely experienced both muscle tears (my primary problem right now) and sacroiliac joint dysfunction, another disconcerting and disabling condition.
Sure, His problems would have lasted only for hours rather than months, but the searing, fiery pain of the hip bones pulling away from sacrum is no joke.
I continued reading the precious, ancient poem, and realized something else: it begins in despair, but doesn't stay there long. Did you know that almost half of the psalm is a declaration of praise, trust and hope?
"Though He slay me, yet I shall trust Him [Job 13:15]."
Even in the midst of torment, I can maintain the same hope expressed in the psalm. I can hope for eventual deliverance. And if I DO, frustration will have to leave. Impatience will become patience. Because hope leaves no room for negative attitudes. It forces me to trust that God is bringing about a good outcome, and this mindset can bring nothing but praise.
Verse 24 reassures me that God heard my desperate prayer. More than that, the psalm reminded me that my circumstances do not dictate my inner state.
My faith and hope - or lack thereof - do.
Speaking of lack, the title of this article mentions Psalm 23, right? Let's get to that.
The Lord is my Shepherd... or is He?
But even the most diligent, the most faithful ones... do they truly understand the implications of this verse?
My mind has understood it for a long time. But only this morning, as I chewed on the rich words of the beginning of this psalm, did the meaning slam into my heart.
I lack no needful or good thing only if the Lord is my Shepherd.
Therefore, if something is lacking in my life, I am not allowing the Lord to shepherd me.
Before we go on, you need to understand the word "shepherd." In the ancient Near East, a shepherd wasn't just a guy who watched sheep and moved them from pasture to pasture. His job involved much more. He was a provider, protector, guide, and caregiver.
So to not allow Yeshua to be your shepherd is to lose a whole lot of perks to coming into His fold.
Though He has found you, you will still feel lost.
I have been feeling lost. Not just these past weeks and months of dealing with a physical infirmity, but for years.
I have been discontented with my marriage. Discontented with my home. Discontented with my online business. Discontented with... well, some days, everything! While it's easy to chalk my negative attitude and glass-half-empty view of life on menopause, the truth is that somewhere around a decade ago - probably longer - I pushed Yeshua to the side and said, "Thank You, but I think I know what's best for me. Leave me alone to figure out life by myself."
If this sounds stupid or spiritually immature, look in the mirror and think really hard before judging me. Because most Christians - and I mean the real ones, not the ones who claim to be saved and then have premarital sex, gossip, treat others unkindly, lie, etc. - are in the exact same spot. We practice all the spiritual disciplines, but daily often ignore the voice of the Holy Spirit and instead follow the advice and ways of the world.
We lean on our own understanding.
And when we do that, the Lord is not our Shepherd. Regardless of our beliefs. And though He never leaves us or forsakes us [Hebrews 13:5], when we ignore His voice, we lose a lot of His protection and care, and all of His perfect guidance.
Goodness and mercy.
The last verse of Psalm 23 is almost as well-known as the first: "Surely goodness and mercy [faithful love] will follow me all the days of my life...[vs. 6]."
The first thing to understand is that "follow" is a weak translation of the original Hebrew. The meaning is more akin to "pursue."
In other words, God's goodness and faithful love pursue us. Actively.
Assuming, of course, we are allowing Him to be our Shepherd.
What struck me this morning was that His goodness and mercy are following me every.
Single.
Day.
Of my life.
Even when I'm going through a trial. Even when I'm suffering.
God is running after me, and, because He's a lot bigger and stronger and faster than I, He is catching up to me.
And pouring out His goodness and love.
I can see it when my husband cuts my toenails (you can't bend forward when you have SI joint dysfunction). I can see it when my son willingly does a menial chore that I would usually do but cannot at the moment. I can see it when I am standing still right outside the door and a hummingbird zips over to visit the foxgloves growing mere feet away. I can see it when an engaging Christian novel comes across my line of sight, helping me not to get utterly bored during the hours a day I need to recline or lie down, and at the same time, ministering God's truth to me.
Where do you find God's goodness and faithful love in the small things of life, and in the hard times? Let us know in the comments!
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