“I Don’t Have Any Friends!” Making Real Friends in the Digital Age

PLEASE PIN - How to find real friends in the digital age.

Are you struggling to build godly relationships? Is it hard to find someone you can call a “good acquaintance,” let alone a real friend? Perhaps you watch a lot of romance movies and envy the best friendships of the main characters more than you do the budding romances depicted in the films.

If so, you are far from alone. While I’m sure some of the TikTok influencers and YouTubers who have declared that they don’t have any friends have done so simply to get views, the truth is that in today’s culture, people of all ages are struggling to find a good friend, let alone a life partner.

I don’t have to tell you the main reason.

Screens.

Even if you don’t have an addiction either to smartphones or to video games, they probably take up more of your time than is good for you.

And it’s not just the younger generations. Gen-Xers and Baby Boomers, though less susceptible to screen overuse and abuse, have nevertheless fallen into the trap of thinking that without smartphones and computers, life would be too boring and/or too inconvenient.

Ah, and here we come to the crux of the issue: mindset.

In this blog post, we’re going to look at a few powerful strategies that will help you change your mindset and beliefs around screens, then some ideas to help you meet new people and build relationships.

In real life, not online.

Because it is primarily through relationships that we can carry out God’s greatest command: to love and serve others.

It’s all in your head.

I recently heard a talk in which the speaker shared a sadly amusing story. She was standing on a crowded bus one day above where a young, attractive man and a young, attractive woman sat next to each other. Both had their eyes fixed on their phones.

The first problem with the “Technology Rules” mindset.

Accidentally-on purpose, the speaker surreptitiously leaned over to see what was fascinating them. Were they engaged in reading an intriguing novel? Hooked onto the latest news about a current event?

No, and no.

The two people, a man and a woman, around the same age and equally attractive, and sitting in adjacent seats on public transportation…

…were studying dating profiles on Tinder.

The speaker ended the story by telling that they both got off at the same stop, never looked at each other, and walked away in opposite directions.

The reason?

They were raised with the Internet and cell phones being an integral part of their lives, to the extent that they’d come to believe that such gadgets were the best tools for accomplishing anything.

Including finding a life partner.

While computers are great sources of information and can facilitate innovation and communication, they can never replace the human needs for physical activity, creativity, and face-to-face relationships.

The second problem with the “Technology Rules” mindset.

Even those of us who were brought up without computers and smartphones nevertheless were introduced at an early age to electric washing machines, dishwashers, and microwave ovens. Television became the main source of entertainment for most households somewhere in the 1970s, replacing the more imaginative and brain-friendly activities of listening to the radio, playing musical instruments as a family, and a wide variety of indoor and outdoor games.

Games, I might add, that required multiple people to play.

So at an early age, even those of us born before 1980 were brainwashed into believing that convenience somehow made life better.

Look, as someone who lives in an unplumbed house and does her family’s laundry by hand, I’m not knocking things like indoor plumbing or electricity.

But as a society, we’ve gone too far.

We’ve taken convenience to an unhealthy extreme, putting it in the palms of our hands and convincing ourselves that we can’t live without it.

The truth is, that kind of convenience is slowly killing us.

It’s put us into a Zombie-like stooper, destroying our ability to think along with our motivation to relate to others.

A healthier mindset that will help you make friends.

Knowing that your beliefs around technology are likely stealing a fulfilling life away from you, it’s time to change those beliefs.

It’s time for a new mindset. Ready for it? Here it is:

People are more important than my goals.

Think about why so many of us pay so many attention to our phones. We want security, we want instant answers, we want to make a lot of money without much work, we want solutions to our problems, we want to assuage our anxieties, we want to feel important.

In other words, our lives are wrapped up in meeting our individual personal goals.

Christians are just as guilty.

I’m not saying having goals is a bad thing. To have the energy and mental health to maintain good relationships, as well as to walk in whatever God has called you to do, you need to be healthy. And you don’t want to ignore your financial life.

I’m not talking about giving up specific, life-enhancing goals. I’m talking about the fear-based and selfish goals I mentioned above.

Goals most of us have, and don’t even realize it.

When you decide to make relating to and serving other people your priority, life will get less convenient. But guess what?

It will also become much more fulfilling.

And, you will begin to make friends.

But to get into this mindset, you somehow need to switch the other one off.

How to get out of the convenience/tech-is-king mindset.

You may or may not have a phone or video game addiction. But if you’re struggling to find and keep friends, chances are high you’ve been deeply ingrained with the ideas that convenience improves life, and that tech is the greatest convenience of all.

It’s going to take time and effort to change your mindset, to make your mind others-oriented rather than self-oriented. But removing a bandage goes a lot faster if you rip it off in one quick, deliberate motion.

You guessed it.

I’m advising you to give up your smartphone.

I don’t mean throw it in the trash and never look at it again. I’m saying, buy a flip phone for communicating, and turn off the smartphone and stash it in a drawer until you need to have a palm-sized computer outside of the house.

For example, you’re going on a road trip and need GPS.

Or you’re going on some kind of trip and you want the basic functions of Internet but don’t want to drag a laptop along with you.

If you can manage it, get rid of any and all smartphones and never look at another one again.

Then, reserve Internet time for when you are at home and can be in front of your computer.

But having access to social media and movies via a laptop might be a problem for you, too. In that case, I recommend fasting from all forms of social media and online entertainment for thirty days. At the end, you will have figured out healthier and more productive ways to fill your leisure time, and will therefore be able to more easily set up a strict computer-use schedule.

Limit it to three hours per day, spread out throughout the day.

If you have an online business, then your thirty-day break should be away from any unnecessary Internet activities.

But weaning yourself off a daily Internet “fix” is only the first step in changing your mindset. The next is to begin seeking ways to help others.

This can be a regular volunteer job that you enjoy and which doesn’t cause any level of extra stress.

It can be offering to help a neighbor who is working on an arduous outdoor project.

It can be providing a pot of vegetable soup for someone in your apartment building who has fallen ill.

It can be as simple as opening a door for someone whose hands are full.

If you’re not around a lot of people most of the time? Keep your eyes open when you do happen to be out in public, running errands.

You won’t necessarily meet lifetime friends by performing these small acts of service, but you will begin to, as Paul wrote in Philippians 2:3, “…consider others better than yourselves.”

In other words, your life will stop revolving around your insecurities and selfish desires.

Meeting people in the digital age.

Once you begin changing your mindset, you need to have a few concrete options for finding friends.

**1. Get off your phone.

I know, I know, I already talked about this. But there will be those who refuse to give up their smartphones. And if you go for a flip phone for regular use, you may still overuse a smartphone on the occasions you have it with you.

So I want to drive this point home to keep you from getting sucked back into the “tech is king” mindset:

Reserve phone-scrolling for times you are by yourself.

When you are in public, keep it tucked away in your purse or pocket and keep your eyes on the people around you.

No, you don’t want to try to spark a conversation with the person on the bus who creeps you out, but what about making eye contact with someone in the same grocery aisle as you and making a light joke about shopping or one of the products on the shelf? What about asking the sad-looking person seated next to you on the bus if they’re okay?

And when you’re walking around downtown, pay attention to what’s happening. Someone may be juggling a lot of items, or you may see a mother struggling to keep a toddler from running away. If you lend a helping hand, you might find a friend for life.

If not, you will have made their day.

**2. Join local Christian Meetup groups.

Meetup.com is still a thing, and there are likely to be a few groups whose sole purpose is to make new connections.

If there aren’t strictly Christian groups in your area, chances are good that there will be a few other Christians in the other groups.

**3. Attend a local church fellowship.

If you go this route, participating in pre-service Sunday school classes and/or small groups will help you connect with people at a deeper level, more quickly, than simply counting on gabbing before or after worship services.

**4. Get a job.

This tip probably (I hope!) isn’t for most people, but among the younger generations there is a growing fantasy that thanks to the Internet, they can live the lives of their dreams by running an online business.

Many of these have decided that they “could never have a job.”

Because – SHOCK – it requires them to behave like responsible adults as well as respect an authority figure. And, oh my goodness, it suppresses their true selves that NEED to travel around the world.

If that’s you, unless you have some mental illness or physical disability that truly prevents you from working a regular job, you are spoiled and entitled.

I am both autistic and have ADHD and I worked at a job I wasn’t crazy about for thirteen years (I would have been there much longer if I hadn’t married and had a baby). Before that, I worked at jobs I more or less despised because I had financial goals to meet.

Yes, I was stressed a lot.

No, it wasn’t my ideal life.

But I gained a lot of skills, people knowledge, and wisdom.

And I’m still alive to talk about it.

That’s how life used to be. Young people either helped take over the farm in their late teens, or left to go to college or get a job at eighteen, if not younger.

And then they worked.

And because they worked, they met a lot of people.

Most of them ended up making good friends, even finding their life partners, through the jobs.

Don’t dis the public work place until you’ve tried it.

**5. Attend public events.

Go to the local cinema, community theater, holiday celebrations, library events, small venue concerts, and so on. Talk to people in line. If you connect with someone, exchange phone numbers.

And text your new acquaintance before the next week is out.

**6. Get a dog.

Look, scooping stinky dog food poop ain’t my cup o’ tea, neither, but I’m already married so I don’t have to jump through hoops to find friends or a spouse.

But if you’ve been thinking about getting a dog, taking Sparky for a walk is a great way to meet other people. Especially if your dog is friendly and always has to stop to sniff other dogs.

**7. Throw a party with friends who bring friends.

Of course, I’m talking about a clean party with civilized music. But if you invite a handful of friends over and ask them each to invite some friends, everyone leaves having made a new friend.

Or even a potential romance partner.

**8. Volunteer.

I mentioned volunteering earlier in the context of serving other people, but depending on what kind of volunteer work it is, you could make new friends at the same time.

**9. Talk to fellow shoppers at the grocery store.

Seem like a strange suggestion for making a friend? Here’s the thing: people are creatures of habit, including when they do their grocery shopping. If you continue to bump into the same person week after week, and they seem inclined to be friendly, why not give them your best smile and introduce yourself? Or break the ice by asking their opinion of one brand of food over another.

You may not strike up a friendship in one go, but over time you might end up with a Wednesday morning coffee buddy.

*******

While it’s not easy to make friends in today’s high-tech world, it’s not impossible, either.

So go on and get off your phone and start meeting people. Then check out my post about how to foster godly relationships.

(For more inspiring content like this, you can follow this blog if you have a Google account, bookmark this blog, follow my blog on Goodreads, and/or check out the books in the sidebar.)

The Seed of Hope in the Garden's Shadow: Unpacking Genesis 3 and the Dawn of Salvation

PLEASE PIN - The temptation of Adam and Eve

 “Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the Garden?’” [Genesis 3:1, NIV]

It’s a story most Westerners know, one which you likely heard repeated throughout both your childhood and adulthood, this tragic account of Adam and Eve being tempted by the devil and subsequently cast out of the Garden of Eden.

A snake tempted them to eat the forbidden fruit, they became aware of their nakedness and tried to hide from God, and God scolded them roundly, promising that childbirth would forever after be painful for women and that people would have to work hard to feed themselves forevermore.

If you’re like me, you heard this story in the context of how humanity is basically evil, even as an explanation for the “bad” behavior of children. But is it solely a store of humanity’s downfall, or does it contain seeds of hope?

Certainly, biblical scholars of all types agree that Genesis 3 relates how sin entered the world, bringing devastating consequences afterward. But there is more to this chapter than meets the eye, chock full of symbolism that points toward God’s plan for redemption.

In this blog post, I want to share the various scholarly perspectives on the third chapter of Genesis. Despite its morbid end, it is rich in symbolism that reveals God’s incomprehensible love for people.

His love for you.

The Fall and salvation collide in beautiful prose.

If you think this is going to be just another exposition on the story of the fall of man, think again. Because in a little while, I’m going to show you how the serpent is not what you’ve been taught it is.

 

The origin of pain and suffering.

If you’re like most Christians, you’ve usually heard a summary of Genesis 3 that emphasized the origin of sin. When hurting believers or skeptics wonder how a loving God could allow bad things to happen in His world, well-intentioned religious people are quick to remind them that it’s all Adam’s fault, that his disobedience brought sin into the world.

While that’s true, this precious account reveals so much more than that. Yes, Adam and Eve’s giving into the serpent’s temptation and their subsequent shame destroyed the idyllic life they’d been leading.

But the account also reveals God’s mercy and love.

It reveals how He had planned from the beginning for humanity’s eventual need for redemption.

The various interpretations.

As is true for the entire Bible, scholars differ in their beliefs about how Genesis 3 should be interpreted.

 

The literal/historical perspective.

As with the Creation story, there is a small – but significant – minority of biblical scholars and theologians who insist that the passage recounts a historical event. Their explanation of the talking snake is that the satan itself had possessed the creature, enabling it to speak. It had actually tempted the first woman to eat an actual fruit from an actual tree. Enjoying its flavor, she then shared it with the first man.

And suddenly, they knew – or believed they knew – the difference between good and evil. And suddenly believed that their nakedness was evil.

When God found all this out, He literally cursed Adam and Eve to a miserable life. 

 

The literary/symbolic perspective.

Many more scholars look at the literary genre of the passage when determining its interpretation. For the ancient Hebrews, the genre for Genesis 1-11 is something akin to what we refer to as “mythological,” though that doesn’t mean that those chapters are myths.

I think a better term would be “God-inspired just-so fables.” As with Aesop’s famous fables, the stories teach important life lessons. As with just-so stories, they explain how the human predicament came into being.

Unlike most just-so stories, however, the early accounts of God’s encounters with humans likely have some basis in history.

The scholars who take this approach see symbolic meaning in Genesis 3, focusing on the symbolic nature of the Garden of Eden, the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and the serpent (more on that guy coming up).

Rather than trying to provide evidence of historical accuracy of the account, such scholars emphasize the deeper truths that it conveys about human nature and people’s relationship with God.

 

The theological significance of Genesis 3.

Despite scholars’ sharp difference of opinion regarding how the early chapters of Genesis should be interpreted, they do agree that they all have theological importance. In this case, any scholar will tell you that the story is critical for explaining the origin of sin and brokenness in the world.

I think, as well, it explains why each of us yearns for something more.

Somehow, we know that the perfect world used to exist.

 

Psychological and existential interpretations.

Of course, there are plenty of non-believers in the world who put the Bible on the same level as any other religious work that has been written. Though full of fairy tales, it nonetheless offers a lens through which to view humanity’s frailties and thereby discover “cures” for these frailties.

The third chapter of Genesis resonates with the universal human experiences of temptation, choice, guilt, and loss of innocence. Secularists extract the lessons in the story and try to invent therapies that will heal hurting people of their shame and guilt.

To my knowledge, none has ever been truly successful.

Because there is only One Way for that to happen.

 

Genesis 3:15: The first announcement of the Good News.

After Eve tells the Lord that the serpent tempted her to eat the fruit from the forbidden tree, and God curses the beast, He goes on to say, “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel [Genesis 3:15, NIV].”

At this place in the chapter, all scholars agree: it is the announcement of a coming Victor over sin. God Himself was the first evangelist, proclaiming the Good News.

Because He already had a plan.

And even the literalists agree that the verse, as well as those that follow, are full of symbolism. 

 

The serpent.

I have a vague memory of being a young child in a catechism class and being told that snakes are evil creatures because a snake tempted Eve into sin.

Why not a spider? Or a scorpion? They have nasty reputations, as well. Spiders have had the spotlight in at least as many horror films as snakes, and Middle East scorpions can be downright deadly.

For years as an adult, I resigned myself to the literal explanation that the devil had possessed an ancient snake which, at the time, had short legs (thus God’s curse that it would from then on have to crawl upon its belly).

The following video turned everything I’d learned about the tempting serpent on its head.

Remember that the guy in charge of this channel is a Hebrew scholar. 

 

After watching that video, you might think back to the first verse of the chapter and wonder why the author implied that the serpentine being was a “beast of the field.” There are two things I can say to that.

First, recall that in the above video (and in a previous one of theirs), Tim and Jon discuss how the ancients believed that heavenly creatures mingled with earthly creatures. In that case, the serpentine being may have occasionally spent time in the Garden of Eden.

Secondly, the verse never states that this creature <i>was a beast of the field. Just that it was more cunning than the beasts of the field.

Crazy, isn’t it?

Or, maybe not so much… if you understand the original language and the culture that it came from.

That the serpent represents evil and the temptation to disobey God, even the satan itself, is a point all biblical scholars can agree on.

 

The woman, Eve.

Adam and Eve don’t have random names. In Hebrew, Adam means “ground” or “earth,” and Eve means “life.”

God created Adam, then Eve came out of him.

Eve. Life. Because without a female, life cannot continue. Most plants and animals require a female to reproduce.

So what did the satan hope to accomplish by tempting Eve?

To snuff out humanity.

 

The seed.

The Hebrew word translated to “seed” refers to offspring or descendants. God tells the satan that He will make human life its enemy, and that its seed (evil works) will be enemy to some future seed of human life.

Biblical scholars agree across the board that the future seed refers to God’s Son coming to live among us, eventually snuffing out sin and spiritual death.

 

What about “enmity”?

The word describes the ongoing spiritual battle between good and evil, between believers and the forces of opposition. By the time the author had written this chapter, they had likely seen plenty of that kind of battle in their own life.

They may have seen good people persecuted for their goodness. They may have watched the lives of loved ones or friends be destroyed by giving into temptation.

They may have become acutely aware that the world was not fair, and that humanity would never be able to conquer sin and evil all by itself.

 

The heel and the head.

“...he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel [Genesis 3:15 NIV].”

And here is the first glimpse of hope in the chapter. God has a plan in which evil will be crushed. At the same time, the devil will take a bite at the Savior’s heel, bringing Him down temporarily. But a “strike at” is never as permanent a condition as being crushed.

Crushed implies irreparable destruction.

Praise be to God!

 

The garments of animal skins: the second glimpse of hope.

In the twenty-first verse of this chapter, God made garments of skin for Adam and Eve to cover their nakedness. While this sounds rather morbid, even punitive, it’s truly an act of mercy and love on God’s part.

Understand that back in that time, sacrificing animals to gods was a cross-cultural practice. So the author’s inclusion of this event is a picture of God’s generous character.

Instead of humans sacrificing for Him, He sacrificed for them.

It is a foreshadowing of Yeshua’s eventual words to His disciples: “The greatest among you will be your servant [Matthew 23:11].”

The act also symbolizes the truth that humans are incapable of erasing our own wrongdoing. The fig leaves that Adam and Eve put over themselves not only did not cover their bodies completely, but also would have been itchy and uncomfortable.

God replaced the leaves with tunics made of soft leather. Salvation is His work, a perfect work that we can’t come close to replicating.

The animal skins also represent the divine covering for sin we would one day receive through Yeshua’s sacrifice on the cross.

It is the first act of grace in the Bible.

 

The expulsion from the Garden: the second act of grace, or utter cruelty?

When I was little, I was made to understand that when God kicked Adam and Eve out of the Garden, He kicked them out of the Garden. I mean, Dude Upstairs was mad!

I know I’m far from the only Christian who’s been taught to look at that particular event in that way. Imagine my pleasant surprise when, as an adult well out of my twenties, I heard that God expelling Adam and Eve from the Garden had been an act of mercy.

Remember that two special trees had been plenty in the middle of the Garden of Eden: the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and the Tree of Life. Eating from the first meant to take on the desire to determine what is good and evil in one’s own eyes.

It meant to fall away from God by trying to become like God, to create one’s own morality.

And we know what happens when every individual on the planet decides to invent their own morality.

Chaos. Murder. Destruction.

When Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating from the first tree, they had not yet eaten from the second tree.

The Tree of Life.

The Tree of Eternal Life.

God knew that if His children ate from that tree in the sinful state they had put themselves in, they would forever be miserable and separated from Him. So He commanded them to leave the Garden, then put a heavenly security detail to guard the Tree of Life to make sure His wayward children could never touch it.

Because He had a plan.

Though they would one day die in their sin, He would one day provide a way for them to be freed from that sin and return to follow Him.

 

A sad ending, or beautiful beginning?

Put together, the first three chapters of Genesis in the Hebrew language weave a colorful tapestry that depicts God’s generous and merciful character; His desire for Creation, particularly humans; and the gift He gave humanity in allowing them to choose to stay with Him, or to leave Him.

Though this chapter ends on a tragic note, it is full of promise, the promise of a way back to Truth and Goodness.

(For more inspiring content like this, you can follow this blog if you have a Google account, bookmark this blog, follow my blog on Goodreads, and/or check out the books in the sidebar.)

 

The Blessing of Spring Rains

PLEASE PIN -How to find blessings in rain.

A Christian personal essay to encourage you today…

It’s an early April morning as I write this, with thunder rumbling and rain falling in steady sheets outside the window. The spring showers have arrived. As they do most years, they gift the newly sprouted greenery with the most precious of all resources, the one which all living things require for life: water.

As the time is barely dawn, the windows still reflect the light and objects inside our house, but I know that if I get up and peer outside, I will see the dim shadows of trees and the mountain across the road as the sun’s rays begin a slight lightening of the sky long before the orb itself is visible. The air outside is neither warm nor cold, but carries a humid coolness, the kind that threatens to seep through every pore of your skin and make you uncomfortable for the entire day, even once you are back inside, cocooned in warmth.

The rain relents, the lulling sound of drops pouring out of the sky quieting for a few minutes, the only sounds an occasional rumble of distant thunder and the chirping of a lone cricket having emerged from its hiding place. But the break does not last long; soon, the cricket grows quiet, the thunder grows louder, and the rain splatters against the ground harder than ever. It’s forecast to last not just for the rest of the day, but, including today, the next three days and nights.

It’s the kind of morning that makes most people want to snuggle into their pillow and sleep the day away. And many people the world over look out at this kind of weather, see this kind of forecast, and sing their own version of the ‘80s Eurythmics song, “Here Comes the Rain Again.”

If you’ve never heard it, it’s not an uplifting number.

Day after day without sun brings a risk of lowered serotonin and dopamine production in the brain, which can lead to anxiety and depression. And rain causes traffic snarls in big cities, discourages outdoor exercise, and destroys happily anticipated adventures of young children.

If a filmmaker wants to produce a despondent mood for a scene, they either create rain, or wait for a rainy day to shoot it. Add thunder and lightning, and the audience will know something either tragic or scary is about to happen.

Rain can be both a blessing and a curse for farmers. My mother, living almost 1,000 miles away in my state of birth, has some years informed me that the farmers around her are worrying about the drought. Other years, they are worrying about their corn and soy being drowned in the unending torrents.

I think, overall, rain has gotten a bad rap. We associate it with dreariness and sorrow. Those who have experienced flooding first hand associate it with destruction – sometimes, tragically, of the lives of loved ones.

And rain that continues for several successive days can feel similar to a physical infliction, bringing on a vague anxiety that it will never end.

But we both know that rain is essential. Without it, there would be no flowers. Without it, there would be no fruit trees.

Without it, all life on the planet would eventually be wiped out.

Finding the blessing of a chilly, rainy day.

Cold, rainy days are not my favorite. I don’t tolerate chilly humidity well, so on those days, I don’t go outside unless I have to.

I love being outside.

But I hate cold humidity more.

However, if we can somehow separate clouds and rain from temperature and destruction, we might begin to see the blessings, beyond primal need, that rainy days bring.

Rainy days are romantic.

They are perfect for curling up on the sofa with the love of your life. You can watch a movie and share laughter, groans, and sad sighs. Or play classical music while you quietly talk about your dreams, struggles, goals, and triumphs.

You can simply stare together into a fire while leaning into each other, a picture of the support and nurturing each brings to the relationship.

Rainy days help you to slow down.

I believe God sometimes sends rainy days to certain people at certain times to force them to relax.

A-hem, like me.

You are less likely to run errands, less likely to do outside work. If you have a job outside of your home, rain will generally nudge you back to that home after your shift rather than allow you to push yourself to get this, that, and the other done after hours.

Rain forces you to slow your speed on the highway, if you lean toward speed limit infractions.

The lack of sunshine also makes your brain more sluggish, so you’re more likely to engage in relaxing activities than to continue on the hamster wheel you’re used to running.

Rain is cleansing.

And not just physically. Sometimes, a string of cloudy days is just the thing to bring up emotions that you’ve been suppressing. People try all kinds of things to find release from negative emotions and bad memories, but there’s nothing like a slight deficiency in serotonin to help your mind bring up old hurts, anger, regrets and fear… and then incite a flow of tears as these unhealed parts of your life confront you.

I don’t have many bawling fits, but as I’m still learning to push away negative emotions and press into God, I do occasionally. And when my tears have all dried and I’m all out of sobs, I always feel a lot better.

I feel cleansed.

Rainy days help you catch up with sleep.

I might be wrong, but I don’t think getting sleepy on a rainy day is strictly a neurodivergent brain thing. And you might not get enough sleep.

So, if at all possible, give into the invisible weight of low atmospheric pressure and lie down and take a nap. You’ll be all the happier and healthier for it.

Sometimes, sunshine is overrated.

We all enjoy looking at pictures of people reclining on a sunny beach, or of dappled sunlight pooling on the ground around a tree. We like the feel of its warm rays on our backs on a cool autumn day, delight in a blue, cloudless sky, have memories of sunny days spent playing outside with friends.

But sunshine can be too bright. It can get uncomfortably hot. It can burn unprotected skin, and wither up plants that have gone far too long without a drink.

And did you know that too much serotonin can cause as much emotional challenge as too little?

Clouds and rain bring balance. They might be inconvenient, even a little depressing, at times, but they are a necessary part of the cycle of life. They make you more introspect, challenge you to be flexible with your plans, invite you to seek the good amidst the dreary and mundane.

Rain is a blessing from our Creator.

*****

If you enjoy inspirational essays like this, you’ll enjoy my book, A Field Guide to Finding Yourself. Click here to have a look at it.

(For more inspiring content like this, you can follow this blog if you have a Google account, bookmark this blog, follow my blog on Goodreads, and/or check out the books in the sidebar.)

Finding God in the Daily Grind: Cultivating Christian Spiritual Disciplines in Your Busy Life

PLEASE PIN - Spiritual disciplines for busy Christians

How do you find time for God with a busy schedule?

Lisa sits down with her Bible at the kitchen table, only to have the first of her two young children come bounding in, declaring that she’s “starving.” Her morning turns into a whirlwind. Between cleaning with her children, engaging with them in a few educational games, and trying to make some headway with her craft business, her time sweeps away like a dry leaf in an autumn breeze.

Then it’s lunchtime, and her youngest child accidentally spills his tomato soup all over the table, himself, and the floor. It takes her almost an hour to clean up the mess, and by then the children are tired and snapping at each other. She’d hoped to have a little time to read her Bible and pray while they napped, but her older child won’t go to sleep. Besides, Lisa is so tired she can hardly think.

The rest of the day passes in a similar way, and when her husband arrives home, she has to get dinner going. Evenings are dedicated to spending time together as a family, and by the time the children go to bed, Lisa wants to curl up into a ball herself.

Her husband, however, has a different idea on how they should spend their child-free time.

When Lisa finally closes her eyes to sleep, guilt is poking at her stomach, reminding her, once again, what a lousy Christian she must be with the way she keeps ignoring God.

Whether you’re a stay-at-home parent or a working single person, you can probably relate to the busyness of Lisa’s life. And if you’re a Christian like her, you feel guilty that you struggle to make time for spiritual disciplines.

In that case, allow me to offer you a glimmer of hope: a busy person can integrate spirituality in their daily life. Like attaining any goal, it requires intentionality, flexibility, and grace.

In this article, I will provide practical strategies and mindset shifts to help you integrate the key Christian spiritual disciplines into your everyday life, which will in turn enable you to foster a deeper relationship with God.

Understanding the “why”: Reframing spiritual disciplines.

My mother was in her eighties when she decided to join a “Life in the Spirit” group that was a part of the church she attended. She didn’t stick it out. The straw that broke the camel’s back was the day the leader said that if she really wanted to stay connected to and filled with the Holy Spirit, she had to commit to, among other things, praying for at least fifteen minutes a day.

This kind of legalistic thinking is what brings on the guilt, sometimes even spiritually-based anxiety and depression, for people struggling to grow closer to the Lord. The purpose of spiritual disciplines is not to adhere to arbitrary requirements. Especially not those set upon you by other people!

You’re not trying to win a national tournament, earn a special and highly sought-after title, or  build a business in a competitive space. You’re trying to grow closer to the Lord.

The purpose of spiritual disciplines, in other words, are practices that open us to God’s presence and transform our hearts so they will gradually, incrementally conform more and more to His heart, leading us increasingly closer to His will for our lives.

While that might sound rather one-sided, there are distinct benefits of spiritual disciplines for ourselves. They include:

• Deeper intimacy with God.
• Increased peace and joy.
• Greater resilience when the inevitable troubles of life come along.
• Clearer discernment.
• A stronger sense of purpose.

Legalism – that is, adhering to rules that measure your “production” level such as time spent in prayer and number of Bible chapters read – will lead to just the opposite.

The time factor: practical strategies for integration. 

 If you’ve been frustrated over the integration of the spiritual disciplines into your daily life, the first order of business is to give that frustration to our heavenly Father. That negativity will only serve as an obstacle toward fulfilling your desire to grow in your faith.

The next order of business is to begin to become more aware of your time.

Start small and be realistic.

And when I say small, I mean SMALL. As in, three to five minutes, if that’s all you can spare. A 5-minute devotion during breakfast might be a great start. You might…

• Read a short chapter from the Bible.
• Spend two minutes mentally listing the blessings you’re thankful for.
• Pray for family and friends for five minutes.
• Meditate on an uplifting Bible verse for three minutes.

These baby steps in faith will take you surprisingly far. Your goal here is twofold: first, eliminate all-or-nothing thinking. If you’re like me and belonged to a church fellowship for a long time that implied that more was better, and whoever did the most was the most spiritual and dedicated, this is easier said than done.

But remember that you’re not in competition with other believers (or, as it were, pseudo-believers). You’re trying to find time to connect with Yeshua.

If all you can find for Him in one day is ten minutes, in two- and three-minute spurts, He’s happy to meet with you in that amount of time.

The second part of this goal in starting small is to gradually increase the amount of time you spend in the spiritual disciplines.

Not because you “should” or because God will like you better (He won’t).

But because the more time you spend with Him, the stronger and more fulfilled you become.

That said, short spiritual practices are better than none, and you need to be realistic with your goals. Consistent, small efforts in your spiritual journey will take you much farther than sporadic Saturdays, months apart, spent gorging on the Bible.

Identify small pockets of time.

You may have, at one point or other, joined an online challenge – or instigated a challenge for yourself – to clock how much time you spend in unnecessary activities, such as scrolling through social media and news headlines, engaging in solo entertainment such as Netflix or YouTube, or “puttering around.”

Usually, the context of such challenges is finding time to start an online business.

In this case, I recommend you do it for the purposes of finding time for God in your daily routine.

You might say, “But Emily, I’ve done this. I’ve given up so much, but I’m still too busy for the spiritual disciplines!”

Calm down.

Take a deep breath.

And another.

No matter how busy you are, you do have small pockets of time sprinkled throughout your day. You might…

• Use your commute for spiritual growth by praying or listening to an audio version of the Bible.
• Pray or meditate during waiting times in public places, such as the grocery store, dentist office, or your child’s extracurricular activity practice.

Schedule your devotional time (but be flexible!).

Many Christians use their breakfast time before work to pray and read the Bible, because it’s a convenient time. If you have a family, however, this will probably be far from the optimal time to try to connect with our Father.

So diligently search for another time…and then treat it like an important appointment.

Every.

Day.

Or, if you can’t hack that, then block out that time several times a week. Time management for your spiritual life requires just as much juggling as time management for the rest of your life.

If you’re going to find the time and stick to it, you have to make it as much a priority as going to your job or helping your children with their homework.

And a much higher priority than social media or entertainment.

But sometimes, life will get in the way of your scheduled time with God. So stay flexible and adjust as necessary.

The next point will go far in facilitating that inevitability…

Combine spiritual disciplines with existing activities.

I’ve already touched on that a little bit, when discussing how to find small pieces of time for spiritual growth. Some other ideas include:

• Praying while exercising or doing chores.
• Listening to an audio Bible or sermon while cooking or supervising your children’s play.
• Reflecting on a Bible verse during work.

While multi-tasking in this way all by itself isn’t the ideal for spiritual growth, it’s better than ignoring God altogether. And if your scheduled devotional time is shorter than you’d like it to be, this kind of multi-tasking allows you to weave faith into your day and helps you to stay focused on heavenly things.

Key spiritual disciplines for the busy person.

Because it’s the most common spiritual discipline for people of all religions, and easy to incorporate into a busy day, I’ve inadvertently focused a lot on prayer already. But there is one aspect I have not yet highlighted.

Praying without ceasing.

The concept is worth its own blog post. But for now, I’ll be brief.

To pray without ceasing is to intentionally keep your mind fixed on God as much as you can. It is to, in the moments when you don’t have to be solving a problem or engaged in a work or business activity, be lifting up a silent “thank You” or “bless so-and-so” or “I love You, Lord” or “please help X world leader with Y problem.”

It’s learning to set your mind on the things above, rather than on your regrets and your worries.

Now let’s look at the other important Christian spiritual disciplines.

Scripture reading and meditation.

Reading the Bible requires more intentionality than praying, because it doesn’t lend itself to as much flexibility. If you’re trying to work your spiritual life into a busy schedule, try one or more of the following.

1. Choose a short reading, even a single verse, that you can read within a couple of minutes. Then meditate on that reading throughout the day.
2. Use devotionals, which provide a short Bible reading, a brief exposition on the reading, and a prayer for each day. If you don’t mind formal, more classical English, you can’t do better than My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers.
3. Find apps or Christian website newsletters that provide a verse of the day. Bible Gateway is one.
4. Every week, divide two or three chapters into six or seven logical chunks of more or less equal size, and read each chunk every day.
5. Take a few minutes in the evening to visit sources such as BibleHub or Bible Gateway to look at the commentaries on the verses that you read that day.

These tips on Bible reading for busy people  will soon put you in the habit of engaging in short Bible studies so that you can begin to apply Scripture to daily life, regardless of how busy it is.

Silence and solitude. 

 

Most people these days have too many voices hitting their eardrums. Whether they are busy with a job and family, or whether they live alone and are doing their best to suppress their loneliness with T.V., music, and video games, they have a lot of external noise coming into their ears.

Noise which can have a detrimental effect on the soul.

And more to our point here, noise which keeps them from hearing the voice of God.

So it’s time to cultivate the spiritual discipline classically referred to as Contemplative Prayer. You might also think of it as Christian meditation. It’s critical to your spiritual growth because it forces you to do as the apostle Paul advised in Phillipians 4:8, to think on God’s truth and the positive aspects of life. When your mind is focused on such things, God has space to deal with those parts of you that need healing or transformation.

And you have space to “hear” His leading and guidance through your conscience.

Everyone can find five minutes in their day to seek out a quiet spot by themselves, even if inside their car on their lunch break, and focus their mind on God. If you carve this intentional quiet time into your day, you will find peace through this kind of solitude, because you won’t really be alone.

You will know that God is there with you.

Worship.

Worship isn’t going to a building on Sunday morning. Many people do so and don’t worship at all.

Neither is worship a genre of music.

Worship is offering every part of yourself to your Creator.

Can you use music to worship? Absolutely. Prayer? Definitely.

But if your motivation is right, your service to others is as worshipful as anything.

More intentional, God-focused worship can be easily incorporated into a busy life. All it takes is shifting your heart attitude to give honor and thanks to your Father while you pray.

Again, a daily commute can serve as worship time, whether via singing to the Lord or whispering words of adoration.

Christian fellowship.

Fellowship with other believers helps you grow. It enables you to view both life and Scripture from other people’s perspectives. It provides a support network for when life’s trials overwhelm you. It’s a source of wisdom you may not have garnered on your own.

It can look like a ten-minute connection with friends or acquaintances before or after a formal worship service.

It can look like a small group meeting for snacks or lunch, and sharing their struggles and triumphs over the past week.

It can look like a weekly one-on-one phone or in-person conversation with a close Christian friend.

It’s likely the most difficult of all the disciplines to integrate into your busy life, because it requires juggling your schedule around. But having other people to bounce ideas off of, to caution you when you’re about to make a mistake, to offer a shoulder to cry on when you need one, to be able to cry on your shoulder when they need one, to celebrate with, will help you become stronger, better, and more humble.

“I forgot…AGAIN!”

As you begin to integrate the spiritual disciplines into the margins of your life, you will have a similar experience as when you embark on any new habit. Some days you’ll do awesome, other days you’ll fall short. You may even sink into bed exhausted and realize you haven’t spoken to God all day.

When the latter happens, give yourself grace. Tomorrow’s a brand new day. Start over. Don’t expect to become a spiritual powerhouse overnight.

And for goodness’ sake, don’t keep track of your misses.

God doesn’t.

The faith life is a journey, not a destination. Start with one or two of the strategies in one or two of the disciplines mentioned above, and remember that God is available at any given moment.

Do you have tips or struggles regarding finding time for God with a busy schedule? Let’s talk about them in the comments below!

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